And yet the Lord kept reminding me of this verse over and over in the midst of the pain of my contractions and the grief within my heart. Psalm 16:1 proclaims, "You have made known to me the path of LIFE; you will fill me with JOY in your presence, with eternal pleasures in your right hand."
In the midst of a situation where we were told loss and death were unavoidable, the Lord continued to proclaim His LIFE and JOY over our dark situation. Once again the Lord's Word was bringing sustaining power and strength to us during one of our weakest moments.
As I labored through the night, there was such a peace over our entire hospital room; you could feel the tangible presence of the Lord resting there. We knew that this manifest presence was because of the many people who were interceding on our behalf. I opted for an epidural in the early morning as I had been laboring for over 12 hours and was exhausted from lack of sleep and intense contractions. Finally, sleep came for my tired body and mind.
The day of Aliyah's birth was not how we had ever imagined the birth of our first child would be.....this was to be a day of much excitement, of new beginnings, of great JOY and amazing satisfaction as we finally met this new little bundle who had been growing and developing over the past nine months.
No parent ever imagines facing the loss of one of their children.....parents are supposed to die before their children do. But here we were, facing the fact that we would need to say "hello" and "goodbye" to our precious daughter all within the same breath....feeling so helpless and unable to do anything to prevent the loss that we knew stood before us.
Many times throughout my pregnancy with Aliyah, I wished that I could carry her forever.....even though I knew that this was not possible. I knew that as long as she was inside of me, she was protected and she could survive.
On the day of her birth, I asked the Lord to guard my heart against feeling guilty for needing to give birth to Aliyah. To protect my mind from feeling like I was somehow letting her down or not being a good mother to her by bringing her into this world. Her beginning moments would literally be her last. I could no longer protect her, I could no longer keep her safe.....death would separate us now, no matter how much my heart longed for her to stay with us here on this earth.
Aliyah entered this world on October 25, 2010 at 1:53 pm. The room was quiet. Too quiet. Her tiny body was so lifeless, so very still. This was not how it was supposed to be. As they put her small 6 pound body upon my chest, I felt that part of my heart died right there alongside of her. She had been apart of me the past 9 months, and now she was gone.
However, in the midst of such overwhelming grief and heartbreak, the Lord was so close to us. Our hospital room continued to feel like such a holy place as we bathed and dressed Aliyah's small body and finally held her in our arms kissing her sweet face.
Our family members also came in to meet sweet Aliyah; such a holy time of being together. I am sure Jesus was standing right there with all of us in that hospital room that day as His presence was felt in such tangible ways by all who walked into that place.
