There was one verse that the Lord laid on my heart during my 24 hour labor with Aliyah. The verse was a direct contradiction to the very situation we were facing in our natural world.
And yet the Lord kept reminding me of this verse over and over in the midst of the pain of my contractions and the grief within my heart. Psalm 16:1 proclaims, "You have made known to me the path of LIFE; you will fill me with JOY in your presence, with eternal pleasures in your right hand."
In the midst of a situation where we were told loss and death were unavoidable, the Lord continued to proclaim His LIFE and JOY over our dark situation. Once again the Lord's Word was bringing sustaining power and strength to us during one of our weakest moments.
As I labored through the night, there was such a peace over our entire hospital room; you could feel the tangible presence of the Lord resting there. We knew that this manifest presence was because of the many people who were interceding on our behalf. I opted for an epidural in the early morning as I had been laboring for over 12 hours and was exhausted from lack of sleep and intense contractions. Finally, sleep came for my tired body and mind.
The day of Aliyah's birth was not how we had ever imagined the birth of our first child would be.....this was to be a day of much excitement, of new beginnings, of great JOY and amazing satisfaction as we finally met this new little bundle who had been growing and developing over the past nine months.
No parent ever imagines facing the loss of one of their children.....parents are supposed to die before their children do. But here we were, facing the fact that we would need to say "hello" and "goodbye" to our precious daughter all within the same breath....feeling so helpless and unable to do anything to prevent the loss that we knew stood before us.
Many times throughout my pregnancy with Aliyah, I wished that I could carry her forever.....even though I knew that this was not possible. I knew that as long as she was inside of me, she was protected and she could survive.
On the day of her birth, I asked the Lord to guard my heart against feeling guilty for needing to give birth to Aliyah. To protect my mind from feeling like I was somehow letting her down or not being a good mother to her by bringing her into this world. Her beginning moments would literally be her last. I could no longer protect her, I could no longer keep her safe.....death would separate us now, no matter how much my heart longed for her to stay with us here on this earth.
Aliyah entered this world on October 25, 2010 at 1:53 pm. The room was quiet. Too quiet. Her tiny body was so lifeless, so very still. This was not how it was supposed to be. As they put her small 6 pound body upon my chest, I felt that part of my heart died right there alongside of her. She had been apart of me the past 9 months, and now she was gone.
However, in the midst of such overwhelming grief and heartbreak, the Lord was so close to us. Our hospital room continued to feel like such a holy place as we bathed and dressed Aliyah's small body and finally held her in our arms kissing her sweet face.
Our family members also came in to meet sweet Aliyah; such a holy time of being together. I am sure Jesus was standing right there with all of us in that hospital room that day as His presence was felt in such tangible ways by all who walked into that place.
Journal Entry from October 23, 2010:
Dear Father,
Today is the day before I am to be induced with Aliyah. If you would have told me six months ago that this is how I would be feeling....at such PEACE....the day before Aliyah's delivery, I would not have believed you. I feel that I have a blanket of peace wrapped completely around me today. I know that it is the prayers of so many lifting us up at this time. Father, you are SO GOOD. We say thank you for your goodness and grace to us during these past six months.
We excited to meet our daughter tomorrow. What a journey it has been! You have been beside us each step of the way showing us your heart and concern, not just for us, but also for Aliyah. Father, there is so much I do not understand about our situation but we trust You.
A verse that has been coming to my mind is 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 which says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him-but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit." I feel that this is how Aliyah's life is going to be......your plans for her are greater than what we could ever imagine.
Over the past six months, we have received so many encouraging WORDS on Aliyah's behalf but we are ready to see the POWER and MANIFESTATION of the those words come to pass now! The unseen world affecting the seen world.
Father, give Rod and I a boldness to share with others about your goodness to or family. May our TESTIMONY encourage others to press in for healing from You. May all HONOR be given to you...the Author of our lives!
Journal Entry from October 12, 2010:
Dear Father,
It's hard to believe that I only have six days to go until Aliyah's due date! I definitely have a huge PEACE about the situation. I continue to ask for the helmet of salvation upon my mind and ears. That I may focus, Jesus, only on what YOU are saying to us about this situation. I pray against the spirit of fear and the spirit of unbelief in your faithfulness to us. I feel like Aliyah's delivery might happen soon!
Rod and I were blessed to hang out with Hannah and Micah a few days ago. They are a couple who has also gone through the loss of a child. As Hannah was praying about our situation, she felt that You said, "This is not a couple that you need to prepare for grief." She then saw a picture of me nursing a healthy Aliyah!
Thank you Father! We say "yes" and "amen" and are once again encouraged by the way you are moving.
Journal Entry fromOctober 10, 2010:
Dear Father,
I had two more friends contact me about having dreams about Aliyah! Anna had a dream that Aliyah was healed. She saw Rodney, Aliyah, and I were walking in a garden together with complete peace and joy.
Jill had a dream about me being in labor but experiencing such happiness surrounding the situation. Jill noted that I was so excited to get to the hospital to deliver Aliyah. Jill prayed in her dream, "Lord, help that baby come safely." She then saw a gold horizontal line with a gold splash in the middle of it. She sensed that You had just been there.
Journal Entry from October 7, 2010:
Dear Father,
I am in the middle of reading the book "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner which looks at the journey of believers as they battle their way through the spiritual forces around them and eventually come face to face with the Lord. There are several quotes that really stuck out to me today.....They best sum up how I have been feeling about our journey with Aliyah over the past six months:
Page-79 "There is another reason why the Lord allows us to be WOUNDED. There is no COURAGE unless there is REAL DANGER. The Lord often commands persons in the Bible to 'BE STRONG and COURAGEOUS.' This is because He was going to have to fight and there would be real danger. It is in this way that the Lord PROVES those who are WORTHY OF THE PROMISES."
Page-84 "As I walked into the darkness, I heard the eagle's last words, 'After this you will not have your TRUST in anyone else, even yourself, but ONLY IN THE LORD.' I was in the most frightening darkness I had ever experienced. To take each step because a terrible battle WITH FEAR. I cried to the Lord to forgive me, and to help me. Immediately I began to see Him on the cross, soon I was not even aware of the dark, and I no longer felt cold. Then I started to see a dim light. Gradually, it became a GLORIOUS LIGHT. The glory increased with each step. Every time I had experienced great pain or darkness of soul, it had been followed by a much greater REVELATION of GLORY and PEACE."
Journal Entry from October 2, 2010:
Rod and I attended a conference at Life Center Church in Harrisburg, PA. The worship was
incredible and Bill Johnson, the head pastor at Bethel Church, shared a message with the group that evening.
Bill Johnson and his wife Beni are known for their anointing of praying for the sick and seeing them healed by the power of the Lord. I had been extremely impacted by Bill's book on healing that I had read earlier in the year and was excited to finally hear him speak in person.
After Bill shared, he began calling out words of knowledge for different people in the audience to be prayed over. One of the words he shared was, "Is there anyone here with a hole in their head?" Rod and I looked at one another in disbelief. This was exactly what Aliyah's condition was. Her skull had not properly closed and she literally had a hole at the top of her head. There was hundreds of people there that evening and no one else stood up. I STOOD IN FAITH believing that the word Bill had just shared was for Aliyah! Once again, the Lord showed up in big ways and was so extremely close to us!
A group gathered around us and prayed for Aliyah's healing. Later in the evening, we had the opportunity for Bill Johnson to pray and agree with us for Aliyah's healing. It was such an ENCOURAGING evening for us as we continued to press into the Lord!!
Journal Entry from September 29, 2010:
"Father, You continue to be SO GOOD. This past Monday night before our class started at church, an older gentleman approached me and said that he had received a word for me. He is a gentleman who prays often at Gateway House of Prayer. He shared that a few weeks ago he had seen me praying at Gateway and had felt that the Lord gave him a word for me.
He stated, "You have great concern for your baby, but your baby will be okay. The Lord loves your patience, compassion, and the love that you have for Him." I immediately started crying and asked this gentleman if he knew about Aliyah's fatal diagnosis; he said that he had no idea.
On Wednesday evening, our pastor and his wife called us up front to be prayed for at our evening service. They gave us a pink blanket with scripture verses on it and prayed for health and wholeness for Aliyah. I felt such peace during their prayer for us.
As I was walking out of the sanctuary, I had two different people stop me and say that You had given them a word to share with me. The one woman shared that she heard, "This baby is completely fine. It is healed."
Another woman shared that as the church was praying for us, she felt a release from one of her hands and had an extreme peace that everything was okay with our baby. She then shared how she had prayed for a baby recently with a cracked skull and as she was praying she felt and heard the bones coming back into alignment. The baby was completely healed!
Thank you Lord for your continued encouragement and people willing to be used by you."
From some journal entries in September 2010:
"Thank you Father for all the people who have so faithfully come behind us and are lifting us up in prayer at this time. Thank you for people who are willing and able to hear from you. Thank you for friends and family who are willing to have faith and believe your promises for Aliyah.
A friend shared with us that she had received a word from You but did not feel released to tell us until this past week. She felt like You had told her, "Aliyah will live." Our friend also saw a picture of Jesus' fingers on Aliyah's head and felt that "Jesus visits with Aliyah regularly and she lights up when He is there with her." She assured us that, "Jesus knows Aliyah very well and loves her so much."
Another friend shared that as she was praying for us a few months ago, she felt You say, "Daybreak has come, the battle is over!" She had not wanted to share this with us, but felt released to do so recently. Father-let it be so!
Another friend of ours wanted to buy a gift for Aliyah's shower. She prayed and felt You tell her to go to "The Gap" as she was "standing in the gap" for Aliyah's healing. After she walked around for awhile, she asked You what she should get. Her eyes fell upon a shirt and dress with butterflies on them. Her spirit "jumped to attention" knowing that butterflies represent "life." Our friend had no idea how much You had already spoken to me through butterflies!! What an amazing gift to receive for Aliyah."
Journal Entry from September 11, 2010:
Dear Father,
Yesterday I went for a walk at Lancaster County Park on our favorite walking trail. I once again was struggling with the fact that Aliyah might not be healed and that somehow all the words of knowledge we received, all the dreams and visions people had felt that you gave them about Aliyah, the angel that I had seen in my dream.......maybe these experiences were all just a set-up. What if she was not healed and all of our hopes came crashing down on the day of her birth.
As I was talking with You about this, I heard You whisper to my spirit, "Why do you doubt My character? You say that I am a good God, but you don't believe it."
Even though this was extremely difficult to hear, it spoke directly to my soul and went after the unbelief and doubt that I had hidden away within me.
It all comes down to whether or not I am willing to lay myself and my desires completely down in surrender so that I am able to fully reach up to You with open arms. Abba, I need You, You're the one I want, You're the only One who can truly satisfy. I trust You. You truly are a good Father. Your nearness is our good.
Journal Entry from August 26, 2010:
Dear Father,
I have been drawn to verses about FAITH over the past few days........
I love the verses in Romans 4 which highlight the faith of Abraham. Romans 4:18-21 states, "Against all HOPE, Abraham believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about 100 years old- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. YET, he did not waiver through unbelief regarding the promises of God, but was STRENGTHENED IN HIS FAITH and gave glory to God, being FULLY PERSUADED that God had the power to do what he had promised."
Lord, please give us faith like Abraham! That against all hope, we would still believe in your promises of healing and the words of life that have already been spoken over Aliyah!
