Aliyah's Burial

                     

Aliyah's Birthday

There was one verse that the Lord laid on my heart during my 24 hour labor with Aliyah. The verse was a direct contradiction to the very situation we were facing in our natural world.

And yet the Lord kept reminding me of this verse over and over in the midst of the pain of my contractions and the grief within my heart. Psalm 16:1 proclaims, "You have made known to me the path of LIFE; you will fill me with JOY in your presence, with eternal pleasures in your right hand." 

In the midst of a situation where we were told loss and death were unavoidable, the Lord continued to proclaim His LIFE and JOY over our dark situation. Once again the Lord's Word was bringing sustaining power and strength to us during one of our weakest moments.

As I labored through the night, there was such a peace over our entire hospital room; you could feel the tangible presence of the Lord resting there. We knew that this manifest presence was because of the many people who were interceding on our behalf.  I opted for an epidural in the early morning as I had been laboring for over 12 hours and was exhausted from lack of sleep and intense contractions. Finally, sleep came for my tired body and mind.

The day of Aliyah's birth was not how we had ever imagined the birth of our first child would be.....this was to be a day of much excitement, of new beginnings, of great JOY and amazing satisfaction as we finally met this new little bundle who had been growing and developing over the past nine months. 

No parent ever imagines facing the loss of one of their children.....parents are supposed to die before their children do.  But here we were, facing the fact that we would need to say "hello" and "goodbye" to our precious daughter all within the same breath....feeling so helpless and unable to do anything to prevent the loss that we knew stood before us. 


Many times throughout my pregnancy with Aliyah, I wished that I could carry her forever.....even though I knew that this was not possible. I knew that as long as she was inside of me, she was protected and she could survive. 

On the day of her birth, I asked the Lord to guard my heart against feeling guilty for needing to give birth to Aliyah. To protect my mind from feeling like I was somehow letting her down or not being a good mother to her by bringing her into this world. Her beginning moments would literally be her last. I could no longer protect her, I could no longer keep her safe.....death would separate us now, no matter how much my heart longed for her to stay with us here on this earth. 

Aliyah entered this world on October 25, 2010 at 1:53 pm. The room was quiet. Too quiet. Her tiny body was so lifeless, so very still. This was not how it was supposed to be. As they put her small 6 pound body upon my chest, I felt that part of my heart died right there alongside of her. She had been apart of me the past 9 months, and now she was gone.

However, in the midst of such overwhelming grief and heartbreak, the Lord was so close to us. Our hospital room continued to feel like such a holy place as we bathed and dressed Aliyah's small body and finally held her in our arms kissing her sweet face. 

Our family members also came in to meet sweet Aliyah; such a holy time of being together. I am sure Jesus was standing right there with all of us in that hospital room that day as His presence was felt in such tangible ways by all who walked into that place.

The One Question That Remained........

Journal Entry from October 24, 2010:

Finally, the day had come that we would get to meet Aliyah!
It was a Sunday morning and we decided to stay home from church to prepare for the upcoming day. We packed our bags for the hospital, prayed together as we stood in Aliyah's nursery, and then headed to the hospital. It took an hour to do the necessary paperwork before being admitted into Women and Babies Hospital.

We both felt at such peace. We had contended and pressed in to the Father and prayed hundreds of times for our daughter that we were about to meet. We felt completely surrounded and uplifted by the prayers of many that day.

Before being taken to the delivery room, we requested that one more ultrasound be done on Aliyah. After all the ways the Lord had spoken to us and the visions and dreams and words of knowledge that many had received on our behalf regarding Aliyah, we were standing in faith that her skull was completely healed!!

It seemed like all time stood still as we waited for the ultrasound equipment to be wheeled into the room. Rod and I had ONE QUESTION in our minds that weighed heavy upon our hearts, yet neither one of us spoke out the words......."Would we see a HEALTHY baby girl on the ultrasound screen?"

Would we see the actual MANIFESTATION of the Lord's power come with the HEALING of our daughter? Would we see the answer to the prayers for Aliyah's healing that so many people had lifted up to the Father? Would this be a time of SIGNIFICANT BREAKTHROUGH for our community of family and friends in seeing the healing power of Jesus bring complete RESTORATION to Aliyah's body?  


And then after six months of envisioning and waiting for this very moment to arrive, it came.....but the moment did not turn out how we had prayed for and envisioned that it would. The doctor informed us in that moment that the ultrasound pictures showed that Aliyah's condition REMAINED UNCHANGED......Aliyah still had Anencephaly.

Reflecting on the Past Six Months

Journal Entry from October 23, 2010:

Dear Father,

Today is the day before I am to be induced with Aliyah. If you would have told me six months ago that this is how I would be feeling....at such PEACE....the day before Aliyah's delivery, I would not have believed you. I feel that I have a blanket of peace wrapped completely around me today. I know that it is the prayers of so many lifting us up at this time. Father, you are SO GOOD. We say thank you for your goodness and grace to us during these past six months.

We excited to meet our daughter tomorrow. What a journey it has been! You have been beside us each step of the way showing us your heart and concern, not just for us, but also for Aliyah. Father, there is so much I do not understand about our situation but we trust You.

A verse that has been coming to my mind is 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 which says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him-but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit." I feel that this is how Aliyah's life is going to be......your plans for her are greater than what we could ever imagine.

Over the past six months, we have received so many encouraging WORDS on Aliyah's behalf but we are ready to see the POWER and MANIFESTATION of the those words come to pass now! The unseen world affecting the seen world.

Father, give Rod and I a boldness to share with others about your goodness to or family. May our TESTIMONY encourage others to press in for healing from You. May all HONOR be given to you...the Author of our lives!

The Approaching Due Date

Journal Entry from October 12, 2010:

Dear Father,

It's hard to believe that I only have six days to go until Aliyah's due date! I definitely have a huge PEACE about the situation. I continue to ask for the helmet of salvation upon my mind and ears. That I may focus, Jesus, only on what YOU are saying to us about this situation. I pray against the spirit of fear and the spirit of unbelief in your faithfulness to us. I feel like Aliyah's delivery might happen soon!

Rod and I were blessed to hang out with Hannah and Micah a few days ago. They are a couple who has also gone through the loss of a child. As Hannah was praying about our situation, she felt that You said, "This is not a couple that you need to prepare for grief." She then saw a picture of me nursing a healthy Aliyah!

Thank you Father! We say "yes" and "amen" and are once again encouraged by the way you are moving.

More Dreams About Aliyah

Journal Entry fromOctober 10, 2010:

Dear Father,
  
I had two more friends contact me about having dreams about Aliyah! Anna had a dream that Aliyah was healed. She saw Rodney, Aliyah, and I were walking in a garden together with complete peace and joy.

Jill had a dream about me being in labor but experiencing such happiness surrounding the situation. Jill noted that I was so excited to get to the hospital to deliver Aliyah. Jill prayed in her dream, "Lord, help that baby come safely." She then saw a gold horizontal line with a gold splash in the middle of it. She sensed that You had just been there.

The Final Quest

Journal Entry from October 7, 2010:

Dear Father,

I am in the middle of reading the book "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner which looks at the journey of believers as they battle their way through the spiritual forces around them and eventually come face to face with the Lord. There are several quotes that really stuck out to me today.....They best sum up how I have been feeling about our journey with Aliyah over the past six months:

Page-79 "There is another reason why the Lord allows us to be WOUNDED. There is no COURAGE unless there is REAL DANGER. The Lord often commands persons in the Bible to 'BE STRONG and COURAGEOUS.' This is because He was going to have to fight and there would be real danger. It is in this way that the Lord PROVES those who are WORTHY OF THE PROMISES."

Page-84 "As I walked into the darkness, I heard the eagle's last words, 'After this you will not have your TRUST in anyone else, even yourself, but ONLY IN THE LORD.' I was in the most frightening darkness I had ever experienced. To take each step because a terrible battle WITH FEAR. I cried to the Lord to forgive me, and to help me. Immediately I began to see Him on the cross, soon I was not even aware of the dark, and I no longer felt cold. Then I started to see a dim light. Gradually, it became a GLORIOUS LIGHT. The glory increased with each step. Every time I had experienced great pain or darkness of soul, it had been followed by a much greater REVELATION of GLORY and PEACE."